I'm In A Rut - February 18, 2009

Today I think I determined that I'm in a rut.  I sort of feel like I'm not efficient, wandering aimlessly and torn between two worlds.

On one hand, I'm enjoying my run focus, I'm enjoying learning a lot on the process of physical improvement, I'm enjoying trying something new and I'm enjoying being focused on one thing (running).  I'm relieved that I am not going crazy with Ironman training.

On the other hand, I miss going crazy with the Ironman training.  Not the physical part specifically but the mental attitude of waking up and attacking something with blind and reckless abandonment.  I miss feeling like a machine, a warrior, a Polish action figure.  I miss the extreme nature of the commitment, the schedule, the suffering, the discipline and determination to get it done without excuses.  Yet again, I remind myself that it was all of these factors that are overwhelming at times.

I can't say I have that same "attack" mindset right now.  Given, it's February.  It's winter, off-season, far from an A-race.  But I find myself wondering when I'm going to truly get that loving feeling back.  I've lost that loving feeling for my bike...and my swim goggles...and for 20 hour a week training schedules filled with additional trips to the gym, massage therapist, ART rehab, and trips to the drug store to buy more sun screen.

Being (albeit temporarily) just a runner is just not the same thing as being "just a sadistic, volume junkie, long distance triathlete who could whip out a 20 mile run or a century ride any day of the week."

My buddy Caps emailed me this morning to see if I had an interest in doing a half marathon in early March.  I told him I didn't have the volume underneath me.  That was a shock to my brain to have that register with me.  How did I end up in a position where I don't have the volume under me to do a half marathon?  I wrote back and told him I needed to start searching active.com for 100 meter dash races.

The interesting part is that if someone asked me if I could handle more run volume right now, I'd have to say, "absolutely not."  I'm doing less than 50 miles and often under 40 and find myself barely able to keep up.  Given I'm only 6 weeks into my 2009 running year and I should not expect to have ramped up to 70+ mile weeks instantly (and I'm not that stupid), but it doesn't take that much training time to log 40 miles.

I'm also realizing that I'm being a bit impatient.  Deep down, I want to be a faster runner (a significantly faster runner).  I want that run speed to eventually carry over to long distance triathlon.  I know it is going to take time and I know I want to make the long term investment in myself.  But it's hard focusing on the long term when in the short term you feel like you are going backwards.

Previously I've been writing about adapting to hard workouts (ones I barely can complete).  My buddy Dean Pappas wrote back with the following quote which made me laugh.  So I leave you with this;

"The only easy day was yesterday."

By the numbers;

• 180.4 - today's weight (January 1, 2009 weight was 184.2)  Goal weight for 10/25/09 is 165.

• 164 - Days until Ironman Lake Placid

• 249 - Days until the Marine Corp Marathon

• 48 - Total Days Trained in 2009

• 1 - Missed days of running in 2009

• 4.50 - Miles run today

• 273.50 - Miles run in 2009

Comments

[Nick]

I think you should go ride the Comet at an easy pace on your road bike ... you'll feel better. Then go do another 5k to get a check of your adaptations. In the meantime, trust the system you've chosen as that is the only way it will really work.

Thanks for posting to the blog daily, it's a pleasure to read.